I'll Teach You POKEMON
by Embrangler
Summary: Listen to the loquatious poke'master's jibberjabber and discover the mysterious secrets of our quirky friends...poke'mon.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I do not own Pokemon

Note - Absolutely everything in the story is completely made up and I only included poke'mon of the original 150 species as they are easier to remember and of course for nostalgia for all you pokemon lovers. Enjoy :)

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Well, once upon a time a young syther was frolicking amongst the foliage with his friends, laughing as sythers laugh, dancing as sythers dance, and drooling as dogs drool. Indeed, sythers have a way of drooling when they are having a good time. 'Tis quite unfortunate, as sythers seem most sophisticated creatures, and twice as threatening with their sickle-like claws and dinosaur-ish build. But alas, they drool.  
Perhaps you thought this was going to be a STORY story. Loyal reader, within these pages you will discover the deeper, more detailed personalities of our beloved poke'mon. We control the horizontal and the vertical. You will encounter the frightening, the odd, the cute, and the ugly traits of these organisms that only a seasoned expert trainer/breeder/professor/master/gym leader/emperor such as myself could have studied successfully. Because you NEVER see sythers frolicking. The thought is almost inconceivable for one who has never seen it. But my skill and talent and years of experience has revealed to me secrets beyond imagination. Therefore, come, you thirsty minds, and learn everything about what you have always dreamed of learning about - Poke'mon.

As we embark on our journey through the land of poke'mon, there is a rippling in the lake...an unnatural rippling. "Surely 'tis simply a frogling!" you may say. But oho no. Look carefully. Notice that the ripples are appearing in different regions of the lake, and that they are shaped with a curve and arc and smooth lazily back into the surface of the water. No frogling could produce such a ripple! It can be nothing less than the gentle goldeen's mating ritual. It dances smoothly with its partner beneath the water and comes up, just a little, to peck at the surface. This is an extremely rare occurrence, for it only happens once every four and a half years, how lucky we are to see it!

You seem to be in awe. Yes, it was quite a remarkable discovery for you, but just wait. That small discovery soon will be dwarfed by the great fantastic things you shall see later. For look yonder towards those trees! No, those ones! No, look where I am pointing...see those birch trees gathered tightly about in a sort of small thicket, with the large maple to the right of it?  
Yes! Look at that caterpie, feeding innocently on those leaves. I bet you that it has never tasted a poke'block before! Here, take this temtatious indigo poke'block that I have retrieved from my deluxe, handy, nifty backpack that stores everything a poke'mon watcher could ever want or need. Ah ah ah, now, don't eat it. Certain kinds of poke'blocks can be deadly to humans if consumed. Luckily for you, this one would have only made you sick, but I'd rather not see that either. My dear old aunt died that way, you know. She had gotten lost in the Safari Zone and all she had were poke'blocks, and she was so hungry that she ate some, thinking that it would nourish her rather than kill her. But alas, they found her a week later and confirmed that she died of lung cancer, and she had eaten the purple and brown poke'blocks. Apparently that combination causes lung cancer. I studied up on all of their effects. But don't worry, if you are hungry, I have brought some poke'block flavored gummies if you so wish.

But right now we must...stay a moment, what were we doing? Ah yes, the caterpie!


	2. Chapter 2

Alright, the caterpie. That is where we left off, wasn't it? My apologies, the nurse dismissed me from my computer time. They only allow me one hour on the Internet every day. But no matter. At least they _let _me use the computer, because most of the patients are deprived of the privilege. Not that they would care - many of the patients here have no regard for anything outside their own minds. Any who. The caterpie, indeed!

So you toss the poke'block to the hungry caterpie. It stops abruptly, and does not move for almost two minutes. Sh! We must be stock still, so that the process may be uninterrupted. Suddenly, the caterpie lurches forward with a mighty barking noise, and gobbles up the poke'block ferociously. Great Scott! Usually a caterpie implodes and exsanguinates itself when it smells one. I'll have to study up on that. It could have to do with age, level, or gender, as the caterpies that have reacted as such have been markedly smaller than this one.

Our voyage continues. After much hiking and sweating and water drinking and gummy poke'block eating, we come across another incredible creature, the arcanine. "Shiver me timbers!" you may say. "The nefarious beast could tare us limb for limb!" 'Tis true, but have comfort, my feeble-minded companion. The noble arcanine will not dare harm you if you respect it and do not show fear. Let us greet it.  
The regal creature is sitting towards the edge of the field, dozing as the breeze tussles it's lovely biege locks of fur. It heard us coming and opened it's eyes widely, standing up. Do not worry, for it is just taking the necessary precautions for if we were in fact, dangerous. But our genial countenance will keep it from ripping us open, as it would with one approaching with malice or fear. Now I am close enough to reach out and touch it, and it is sniffing my clothing. Do you see?  
Now I am stroking the beautiful beast. 'Tis a female, for it's tail is twitching as I stroke her head, whereas if it were male, he would be twitching his left ear. Now that I have befriended her, if I throw a poke'ball at her, she will make no effort whatsoever to escape. Because these dog-like poke'mon are able to sense your intentions. Try it. I hand you a poke'ball that I withdrew from my neat, dandy, convenient backpack that contains everything a poke'mon watcher could ever want or need.  
You throw the poke'ball and the lovely arcanine immediately jumps out of it, growling at you. It's because you threw it, and she never had a chance to get to know you, as you have kept your distance from her. But look! She is not fleeing, because I am here, and my presence makes her feel safe. Now I am going to stroke her, and you must follow suit in order for her to learn to like you. Ah, see, now she knows that you mean her no harm. Here, feed her a poke'block. Oh, she thinks it's delectable! Now try to throw the poke'ball.  
You throw the poke'ball at her, and it succesfully locked her without resistance.

Next, we come across the vast ocean. Do you see the dratini swimming swiftly and smoothly amidst the shimmering waves? Get ready to view something spectacular! Would you be so kind as to recover the two pairs of binoculars from my splendid, advantageous, charming backpack in which everything a poke'mon watcher could ever want or need is included?  
Thank you, now watch, peer through your binoculars as I call to this elegant animal.

Hooooo-didlyongshooo! Hooooo-didlyongshooo! Hooooo-didlyongshooo!

Magnificent! It stopped, and it is winking at us! Keep calling to it, and it will keep on winking! Hooooo-didlyongshooo!

Thus we called to the winking dratini until the sun began to set, and we finally began to make our way back to where we started.


	3. Chapter 3

Welcome back. I believe that this will turn out to be the final chapter of our expedition, unless something unusually astounding occurs. On our way back we spotted a tremendous array of poke'mon scurrying about - rattata, ekans, venonats, venomoths, meowth, haunters, vulpix, abras, pikachu, and once even an evee! How delightful! Unfortunately most of them proved to be extremely shy and hid from us as we passed through. But don't tire out just yet, my weary-eyed comrade! Your little excursion is far from over.

There is rich soil over in that clearing. Let me see if it could possibly be inhabited by digletts. I walk over to the said area and scrape the ground with my finger, receiving a generous amount of the rich soil. I smell it and nod my head. This could very well be diglett inhabited. But the scent is only 50 percent accurate and 'tis getting dark out, we need not waste time digging for nought. Therefore I deposit the sample into your hand. Taste it. Reluctantly, you lick the specimen off your hand and promptly spit it back out. Ah! This area is definitely diglett inhabited. "Well golly, but 'twas just like any other dirt, no sort of filth tastes agreeable to me!" you may say. But it was not that fact that you spit it out that assured me, but your facial expression. You see, whenever anyone tastes diglett inhabited soil they always wrinkle their nose in a kind of half wincing fashion, blinking three times quickly, and sort of sneer a little after they spit out the sample. And that is _precisely _how you reacted. That is how I know for sure that this is diglett inhabited soil.

I then take a shovel out of my stately, distinctive, ever-ready backpack and hand it to you. I then grind the heel of my boot into a certain part of the soil. Dig here, but be cautious, as you wouldn't want to injure a diglett or even a dugtrio.  
So you begin digging, and I observantly supervise the growing hole. Stop! I walk over and carefully brush off the top of the head of the diglett that you uncovered. You need not that shovel any more, for I can make the diglett come up on its own. I drum a pattern on the soil near the diglett, and it pops itself up. Is it not adorable? Brace yourself, because now I will show you what the diglett looks like in full form! I swiftly pull the poke'mon up from its domain, revealing it to have a sort of drill as its lower half. Now you are one of the precious few that have glimpsed the true composition of this creature! But we must return it to its original abode, as it could call its family if we keep it for too much longer.

Do you remember that lake that we first encountered? Here, throw this techni-colored poke'block into the water and watch! An imposing gyarados emerges from the depths to eat the poke'block, and before it is completely submerged again, it lowers its head and gurgles majestically. Gyarados always gurgle after they eat a tasty treat, and only a gyarados is able to eat a techni-colored poke'block. How breathtaking! The moon is on the rise, though, so we must make our way back and stop no more.

Finally, we are nearly back, but lo! and behold! The glorious Articuno is flying overhead.


End file.
